I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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