Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
