What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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