I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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