I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
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