I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
