fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
