I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
