Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
