Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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