drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
