Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just found a bag of teeth...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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