Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize