Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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