Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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