wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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