hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Randomize
