yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
