I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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