I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
