'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize