I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
