I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
