i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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