things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
