I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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