my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
