Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
