so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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