I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better not be in your backpack
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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