Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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