If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Randomize
