i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
