Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
