thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
