am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
