Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
