exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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