she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
