Do you still have your period?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
