dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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