Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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