wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
