at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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