there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
