My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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