if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
