Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it was like eating out sand paper
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
