My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
