Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
