In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
