Sry I called you an 8
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
