I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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