terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
