just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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