Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We had to coat check the pizza.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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