my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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