I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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