my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
