wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
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