I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
