When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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