I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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