I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
