you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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