every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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