You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
