I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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