I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
NoShamevember. You game?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
