I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
